I can’t sit still in the office. I can’t concentrate on my work. Everything I do seems wrong. My mind is not here but at my aunt’s house, thinking about my son, Josh.

I feel really bad and regret with what I’ve done. I can’t wait to come home so that I can hugs and tell him “Mommy sorry baby. Mommy loves you so much..please forgive me!” but I can’t wait any longer. I decided to call my aunt to check how’s Josh but instead Josh picked up the phone.

Instead of saying hello, he says ” Hi mommy!” as if he knew I’ll be calling. And to make me feel more bad, I noticed he still crying but trying to control it.

Josh : Mommy, my Josh wants to follow mommy!

Me : I know darling. Later mommy pick you up ok?

Josh: Ok mommy!

Me: Now you stop crying ok..later mommy bring you jalan-jalan…

Josh: Ok..bye mommy..

Me: Ok, I love you..and ask ‘moing’ to play the cd ok?

Josh: Not cd..Chicken Little!

Me: Oh sorry, mommy salah! What Josh doing now?

Josh: My Josh nenen hot.

Me: Ok..my Josh nenen first..call ‘moing” darling..

Josh: Ok..byee mommy..(and I heard him calling my aunt)

After talking to him, I feel more guilty. I shouldn’t be losing my temper this morning and hit him. All because he wanted to watch the Chicken Little vcd and I am running late to work. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew, I was holding a belt and PLEKKK! It reaches my son’s leg :(

Am I too much? I don’t know but one thing I know, it hurts me so much seeing him crying. I am sorry son, your mommy is not perfect. She too just an ordinary person, who’s trying hard to be the best mommy to you and your brothers :cry:

 

my josh

When mommy sees you smile and laughing, nothing else is matters. I hope I will not make you cry anymore darling!